Buy the Bitch Flowers.

It’s actually quite simple. It’s not THAT hard, and it costs no more than $20. You can do this ANY time of day, on ANY day of the week. There is no occasion needed, or a reason for that matter. BUY HER FLOWERS. This plan will NOT backfire on you in any way, unless, you just so happen to be “Lucky Louie” and have a wife or girlfriend that’s acting like a complete c*nt. Yes, I hate saying that word. I like to think I’m a classy girl, most of the time at least, and that word just doesn’t sit well with me. “You can’t sit with us!”.

To make a long story short, this episode of Lucky Louie went a little something like this; Man buys wife red roses for anniversary weekend, wife gets upset because she’s stated in the past that she “hates red roses” and feels her husband doesn’t listen to the things she says. Husband feels his wife doesn’t appreciate his sweet gesture, and flat out calls her a c*nt, ruining their whole anniversary weekend. The End.

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“I told you that I HATED red roses almost as much as I hate your red hair!”

 

NOTE; NEVER .. EVER… EVER call your woman the “C” word.

Now, before grabbing that big ol’ bouquet, think of this episode of Lucky Louie. If you don’t want your precious love to spontaneously combust out of anger, think back to a time where she’s been in awe of a certain flower, or has verbally said she likes a type of bloom. Think hard about this, but not too hard, it’s not rocket science here and you sure as hell don’t need to be a botanist.

Why you should get her flowers any given day, not just for occasions;

  • It makes us feel valued and appreciated.
  • Though she probably doesn’t need a reminder, it shows her what a great catch you are. (You’re thoughtful, passionate, and have a big heart!)
  • Flowers tell us “Thank you  for being you!” with no words needed.
  • It will put a smile on our face, which will bring a smile to yours. Seeing us happy, should also make you happy.
  • It lets us know that we’re on your mind, and every time we catch a glimpse of these flowers, you’ll be on our mind!
  • Because a little effort really DOES go a LONG way.
  • You’ll get laid… but that’s not the point. No more reasons needed, but it’s still not the point.
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“I’m going to get you flowers more often!”

What flowers, besides roses, are nice to buy for my sweet?

Sunflowers;
They’re BIG, BRIGHT, and they stand TALL & PROUD! They symbolize warmth, adoration and longevity. When looking at a sunflower, you may not think they are a great option from a romantic standpoint, but keep an open mind!  If you’re going for the route of romance, you’d go with the typical, hallmark red rose bouquet. The goal here is to let her know that she simply brightens your day, and sunflowers are the perfect bloom to do so!

BONUS: Research to see if you have a Sunflower field within driving range. Take her there for a memorable gander in the fields. The way the sunlight hits her face, wind blows through her hair, and hundreds of tall sunflowers around her, it’ll be an unforgettable capture in your mind. (I’ve never been to a sunflower field, but it’s on my list!)

Gardenia’s;
Just because Gardenias aren’t given in the form of a tight knit bouquet does not mean they should be ruled out of the bunch! These powerfully fragrant blossoms signify a secret or untold love, and act as a means to convey to someone that you think they’re lovely. Their white color can represent purity, spirituality, love, and peace. Not only will your significant other be appreciative of your sweet gesture, and blown away by your choice of flower, but she’ll go gaga over their strong scent that fills the whole room!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Orchids;
What can I say about orchids? To put it simply, they’re stunning and come in multiple colors! Orchids can be on the higher side of the spectrum when it comes to cost, so be careful where you purchase them. For example, Fresh Market & Publix sells them for about $25.00-$29.99.  At the weekend Farmers Market, I got TWO for $25!  Caring for Orchids can somewhat be high maintenance, kind of like a woman, right? LOL.. Just kidding!  If well taken care of, they can last quite a while which is a plus!

Speaking of strength… Bamboo Plants;
Though they are not flowers, they’re still just as nice to receive. Bamboo stalks are strong and from a relationship standpoint, if given, symbolize great hopes of strength and longevity. LADIES, listen up! The Bamboo plant is a nice little gem to give to your man, especially if its a new budding romance. Wouldn’t you feel a little odd handing him a bouquet of flowers? Yes! So the next time you’re headed to his place, and don’t want to arrive empty handed, grab a bamboo.. or bottle of Bourbon.. or BOTH! (I recommend both.)

I’ll start to wrap this up, but here are two stories I’ll leave you with that entertains the idea of men NOT buying women flowers. What we can say is that it doesn’t go unnoticed. Do we make a fuss? For most of us, no. Why? Because I’m sure there are other ways  you make your girl feel special, no flowers needed. The gesture is always nice and appreciated though. A girlfriend of mine was with a guy for two years. He lived on a very busy street, and every day there was a man that stood by a nearby traffic light selling  bouquets of flowers. My friend had always hoped that one day her man would come home with a bouquet in hand, “just because”, and you know what?  He never did, not once. It’s not that hard to roll down your window and say “Hey, I’ll take one bouquet please!”. Damn it, you don’t even have to get out of your car… you lazy piece of shit!

We can’t expect men to pick up on all of our clues though, effortlessly for that matter. The guy I’m seeing now is great, he keeps me laughing for hours, has a kind heart and I truly adore him.  We’ve been to Fresh Market a handful of times and upon entry are the orchids. I halt in my tracks, and my brain stops functioning. I stare in awe at them with my head tilted. To a girl, that obviously reads “I must have one of those!” to a guy, “Is she still breathing? Do I just leave her here while she stares lifeless at flowers while I get a cookie from the bakery?”. Since then, whenever he’d show up at my door, I’d secretly hope that he’d have an orchid in hand. . . .. . . . (Yea these previous dot, dot, dots are extra implied.)

I saved this incomplete article as a draft on May 20th around 4PM.  I didn’t mention or show it to anyone. That same night, I had plans for my man to come over. I got a knock at my door and I kid you not, he had a cute flower arrangement in hand. If that’s not being connected, then I don’t know what is. I didn’t care what flowers they were, the “just because” gesture alone left me smiling for hours, days, weeks, NOW!

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With Love,

That Bitch!

 

 

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