Well, it happened. Easily for that matter. I have become “That Bitch Who Hasn’t Blogged”. Sorry I’m not sorry. Blogging is a lot harder than it seems. To fill the world in on what’s going on in your life and mind; To let people in so easily like that when I myself have trouble taking my own guard down? I give writers, bloggers, and journalists props for what they do; I always thought it would be as easy as Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City makes it look. You sit down with a cup of coffee and a cigarette, in my case a joint would do, and you pour your heart out onto a Microsoft Word Document for all eyes to eventually see.
It sure as hell isn’t like that. The reality of it is, you stare blankly at the screen for quite awhile. You watch the cursor blink multiple times, wondering how to put your thoughts and feelings into words. You type out a thought, delete. A feeling, delete. Over and over again. All the while you wonder what other people are to think if you write about them and the shit they’ve taught you. The lessons you’ve learned along the way, both good and bad. You become hesitant in writing because people in your past that never made it to your future could very well read what you write. As a matter of fact, all relationships come into retrospect; Ex-boyfriends, Family, Best Friends, Potential love interests. Whatever I choose to post could alter my relationships either positively or negatively.
I had held back for so long that my website had expired. Everything I’ve previously posted, GONE. I know I didn’t post often, but when I did, I had put time into them and most importantly, my heart. Why stop there? For fear of other people and their judgements? Does Amy Schumer put her foot in her mouth when she rants to the world? I think not. That Bitch just goes for it. I shouldn’t hold back for fear of others opinions. With that said, I shelled out the money to get my blog back. Shit happens, both good and bad, everyday. What it comes down to, is how well you deal with and handle this roller coaster that you’re on. For me, releasing my emotions with writing really helps. Should I keep some of the things that go on in my head private? Sure. But sharing certain stories and experiences is much more fun! If you don’t like it, don’t read it. End of Story!